Fast & Furious Review
By Joe Lozito
Just Skidding
And so continues one of the more playfully-named franchises in recent memory. After 2001's Vin Diesel-Paul Walker monosyllabathon "
The Fast and the Furious", there was the Diesel-less, John Singleton-directed follow-up "
2 Fast 2 Furious". Then the series ventured into Asian fusion with 2006's squealing "
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift". For the fourth entry in the auto erotic franchise, the filmmakers have opted to dispense with those pesky articles and simply title it "Fast & Furious" (the ampersand makes it even
faster!). Personally, I would have preferred "The Fast and the Four-ious", but that's just me.
This fourth "Furious" entry takes the series back to its roots: the original cast (the Diesel-Walker dream team, along with Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez) returns, proving, sadly, that this franchise isn't the career-starter they might have once thought. As is often the case, the film opens with a rip-roaring action sequence, this one involving the most complex and implausible way imaginable to hijack a gas truck. Soon after, as is also usually the case, we're hit with the suspicious murder of a main character (no fair telling who it is, but you won't be sad about it). That event propels a plot that has all the traction of a set of bald tires.
And speaking of bald, Mr. Diesel's Dom Toretto, he of the tank-tops and T-shirts, returns to L.A. to attend the funeral, even though "the cops are hungry" for him. Once there, he stays out of sight by (sarcasm alert!) driving the flashiest, loudest cars in the city and throwing suspects out fourth-floor windows. He's pursued by Mr. Walker's Brian O'Conner, who has been reinstated in the FBI and now works for the kind of bureau that might have been featured in an early "Beverly Hills Cop" movie. When Brian assaults a fellow officer, it's played for laughs because, y'know, the guy was a jerk. Likewise, Dom can be forgiven for brutally beating his friend Brian because he's totally grieving (nevermind that Dom comes off looking like a sociopath).
Naturally, Brian walks away from his beating without a scratch. If that doesn't speak to the fantasy universe in which this movie exists, then the complete lack of police presence and hordes of near-naked models - who exist solely to hang around at car shows and occasionally make out with each other - might. This is also a movie where the fugitive hides out in his sister's garage but remains unapprehended ("Everyone's looking for you," he's told. "I'm right here," he replies). That makes as much sense as a multi-billionaire drug dealer recruiting a bunch of the flashiest drivers in town to move his product.
But now I'm just being a buzzkill. There's a reason these movies are called (some permutation of) "Fast & Furious". The film - written by returning scribe Gary Scott Thompson and Chris Morgan - must move quickly so you don't notice the plot holes. Of course, the "Fast & Furious" franchise is simply an excuse
for boys to stare at other boys driving fast cars - with the aforementioned models thrown in to keep everything aboveboard. It strives
for little more than to be described with such hyperbolic hyphenates as
"high-octane", "adrenaline-fueled" and "thrill-ride". And far be it for
me to throw stones at such lofty aspirations.
As for the cast, Mr. Walker continues to bland his way through his career. This time, however, he's given a boost by Ms. Brewster, whose utter lack of facial expression makes Mr. Walker look positively effusive. Ms. Rodriguez, meanwhile, exemplifies the reason "Lost" fans cheered her demise on that show. Then there's Mr. Diesel, whose return to this role must surely be a means to some other end. The bulky, gravelly-voiced actor lightens up his mood a bit, but he's given nothing to work with in a script full of clunkers like this fine piece of pillow-talk: "I appreciate a good body regardless of the make". To quote Liz Lemon, "what the what?"
Returning "Tokyo Drift" helmer Justin Lin clearly understands his audience and his film's raison d'etre (dare you to find another "F&F" review featuring that term): Fast cars, big action, small plot, some girls. And, at the very least, this "Fast & Furious" delivers that. So what's not to like? That is, unless you're expecting something more - like characters and story. In which case, well, there's another reason these movies are called what they're called: you'll want to leave the theater fast, and you'll be furious.
