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Greek Tragedy

Sam Worthington returns as the demigod hero, Perseus, in "Wrath of the Titans" - a sequel no one needed for a remake no one wanted. So the question going in is "why is such a film necessary?" Unfortunately for the audience, that is also the question one has upon exiting the theater. While the remake at least gave audiences a chance to hear Liam Neeson utter the immortal lines "Release the Kraken!", this sequel is based neither on traditional Greek mythological tales nor on the camp value of an 80s fantasy classic. It's a new story, loosely based on classic  characters - characters whose names no one will remember (or care about) after sitting through this loud, incomprehensible mess of a film.

As we catch up with Perseus, we find he's retired from the hero business, living a quiet life as a humble fisherman. Now a widower (Io died in childbirth), his only family is his young son, Helius (John Bell). Well, his only human family, at any rate. Papa Zeus (Liam Neeson) has been out of the picture for awhile, off doing Greek gods things (like turning into swans and seducing maidens, probably). But he pops 'round to tell Perseus that a great war is coming, and if he wants his son to live he'd better stop fishing and start fighting. Perseus, of course, declines.

No sooner does Perseus give daddy his walking papers than all hell breaks loose - literally. Seems there's some kind of rift in the Underworld, expelling all manner of fiery hell-beasts upon the unsuspecting humans. Perseus has no choice but to suit up and fight those darn lava monsters, with the help of his winged steed, Pegasus. Meanwhile, Zeus, Poseidon (Danny Huston) and Zeus' son, Ares (Edgar Ramirez) head downstairs to give Hades (Ralph Fiennes) a stern talking to. But Zeus is caught in a trap, sprung by Ares and Hades. Poseidon barely gets away, long enough to give Perseus the "you're our only hope" speech before crumbling into dust.

It seems that Hades' plan is to use Zeus' "divine power" to free their father, Kronos, from his underworld prison. Now, why Hades thought this was a good idea is a bit of a mystery, since he helped put away dear old dad - a homicidal Titan - in the first place (talk about daddy issues). It's one of many, many head-scratchers in this mythologically inaccurate and narratively illogical mess of a screenplay. In any case, releasing Kronos means the death of everyone, god and man. So, it would be bad all around.

In order to free Zeus and fight Kronos, Perseus needs a special weapon made from Poseidon's trident, Zeus' lightning bolt, and Hades'...whatever it is. Before he gets all the pieces, he needs to break into the prison holding Zeus. And for that, he needs the help of Poseidon's ne'er-do-well, half-human son, Agenor (Toby Kebbell) and Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike). So we have our comedy relief and romantic interest tidily riding by Perseus' side. Or we would have, if the film gave any moment to character development or coherent dialogue. Instead, they (and the audience - this is 3D) are continually pummeled by fireballs, exploding mountains, cyclopses and minotaurs, never giving the film a moment to breathe.

It must be said that the 3D quality has improved greatly from its predecessor. Not that it's much of a recommendation. The 3D looks fine, but after an hour and a half of having fireballs shot at your head, enough's enough, really. As if to justify the film's existence, director Jonathan Liebesman ("Battle: Los Angeles") packs every second of screen time with overblown action. It doesn't help, especially when your Greek hero spouts lines like, "you've got to be kiddin' me" in a nearly impenetrable Aussie accent. Really, this is the only memorable line uttered by Perseus. Homer is rolling over in his grave.

There are a precious few enjoyable moments in "Wrath of the Titans", but the ones that are there are delivered with relish by the venerable actors who somehow agreed to be in this schlock. Reprising their roles, Neeson and Fiennes seem to be having fun hamming it up as the estranged brother gods, while a glinty-eyed Bill Nighy injects a welcome bit of goofiness as Hephaestus. However, it shouldn't bode well that the best part of the sequel (and the remake) is a cameo by a prop from the original "Clash of the Titans". I'm sorry, Bubo. Athena made you for better stuff than this.