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"Clash" for Clunkers

Director Louis Leterrier's update of "Clash of the Titans" bears as little resemblance to the 1981 original as one of his computer-generated monsters does to the classic stop-motion creations of Ray Harryhausen. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Mr. Harryhausen was a pioneer, but if any story lends itself to a computer-enhanced make-over, it's a story like "Clash". It's a shame, then, that the tacked-on 3D upgrade (it was originally, and obviously, filmed in 2D) and choppy script do the film no favors. Thankfully, it's hard to ruin Liam Neeson bellowing, "Release the Kraken!"

A nicely-animated opening sequence sets the stage: brothers Zeus, Hades and Poseidon rule the heavens, oceans and underworld, respectively, after taking over Mount Olympus from their parents, the Titans. The Gods require the worship of humans to feed their immortality (not exactly sure of the physics behind that), and the recent defacing of a Zeus statue by rebellious humans in Argos has Olympus in an uproar. Zeus engages Hades to, yes, release the Kraken and wipe Argos off the map.

To say the script - by Travis Beacham, Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi - plays fast-and-loose with Greek mythology would be a God-awful understatement (more blasphemous is its almost wholesale reworking of the original's plot!). The update still boils down to the story of Perseus. Half-man, half-God (oh, that randy Zeus - he never could keep it in his toga), Perseus is swept up in a battle to save Argos from the clutches of the deadly (especially when it's released!) Kraken.

Quickly determining that the Kraken is unkillable, Perseus and his ragtag band of followers come up with a classic (and it is classic) plan: cut off the head of Medusa and use her deadly gaze to turn the Kraken to stone. That one falls in the easier-said-than-done category. Oddly, however, aside from some now-requisite CG wizardry, the story falls fairly flat (and that's not a slight at the 3D, though it could be).

Sam Worthington, who, after "Avatar" and "Terminator Salvation", still needs to prove that he's more than just a gritty face, fills out Perseus' armor, but he's not given much of a character to play. The Gods - so memorable as an RSC who's-who in the original - have been pared down to Zeus (Liam Neeson) and Hades (Ralph Fiennes). Poor Danny Huston - his Poseidon is given one line (though, I'm sure it came with a paycheck). These roles are less about acting and more about the fun of seeing these stars chew the heavenly scenery. Both are up to the challenge: Mr. Neeson plays it fairly straight while Mr. Fiennes has great fun making Hades a mash-up of Voldemort and Richard III.

Director Louis Leterrier has a noted love of the original "Titans", and he clearly shows reverence here. There's even a winkingly (and pointedly) playful reference to Bubo, the atrocious mechanical owl from the original. But this film's depiction of Gods and monsters (and humans, for that matter) stops at spectacle. Yes, there are some beautifully realized sequences - particularly the Medusa battle - but Perseus' quest, one of the greats in mythology, simply isn't that interesting. It's much more straightforward even than the 1981 original - and that's really saying something. Nor is the film campy enough - if that's what it's trying to be. With "300" and Starz's "Spartacus: Blood and Sand" redefining modern sword-and-sandal camp, and "Gladiator" and HBO's "Rome" taking the serious-minded approach, "Titans" is caught in the middle. It clearly wants to be taken seriously, but the script isn't deep enough to make that happen. And that's just a God-darn shame.