Underworld Review
By Joe Lozito
"Under" Whelming
Well, it's finally happened. We're at the point where movies are being inspired by other movies that were, in turn, inspired by comic books. To its credit, the vampires vs. werewolves debacle "Underworld" does appropriate from the best; it owes its dark, ultra-washed-out look to such better films as "Dark City", "The Crow" and even "Sleepy Hollow". Of course, its requisite scenes of frantic gunplay are, like so many other recent movies, taken from "The Matrix". Then, of course, there are the similarities to "Blade" or, more specifically, "Blade 2". But that's hardly worth mentioning.
The story behind "Underworld" is not a bad one: vampires and werewolves fighting for supremacy on some rain-soaked, vaguely Eastern European backlot. I assume the film was pitched as a supernatural version of "Romeo & Juliet", which would have been fine if the script by stuntman Danny McBride wasn't so undercooked. The film is dark and humorless and each scene of weary exposition only compounds the audience's frustration. A lack of original thinking is almost expected from a Hollywood action movie, but there are no complete ideas in this film. Plot points are thrown around and then forgotten about later and it doesn't even play consistently within its own arena. There's some silliness about memories being transferred to a victim who is bitten, but later a victim is surprised to learn who her biter really was. Well, if she now has all his memories, wouldn't she already know…oh, forget it. Sadly, I even found myself annoyed that vampires show up in mirrors here. Not because I'm a vampire-lore purist, but because I'm convinced the only reason this old rule was ignored was for one reflection shot that director Len Wiseman thought would look cool.
I'm unclear as to why Kate Beckinsale ("Pearl Harbor", "Serendipity", and betrothed to Mr. Wiseman) would want to so severely shed her nice-girl image to play Selene, the only member of the vampire clan who actually leaves their hideout. I suppose it's fun to play dress up. She does come across well, though, since she's the only one in the film who can even remotely act. Seriously, the casting director must have been asleep at the wheel during this one. "Felicity" hunk Scott Speedman isn't given much to do, but the villains are a group of whining morons begging for a silver bullet or a stake in the heart.
Humans play little role in the film other than as lower members of the food chain. I don't know why we're supposed to root for Ms. Beckinsale's Selene, except that she's all cute and pouty. I guess we're supposed to favor the vampires because, well, they've always been sexier than werewolves. Actually, the term werewolf is only mentioned once during the film, replaced instead with the word Lycan because, well, I guess it sounds cooler. Likewise, all the beasts in the film wear those long flowing leather trenchcoats made so popular by Neo and co.
Technically, the film does look good, but the director had one idea: film everything in blue and white. After the first fifteen minutes, it's clear that "Underworld" doesn't have much else to show us. Yes, the werewolf transformation effects have come a long way since "American Werewolf in London", and yes the sound effects are suitably bone-crunching, but who cares when the film is two hours of interchangeable white guys in dark coats running around the screen. The film even has the nerve to set itself up for a sequel. Of course, the ending is so sloppy, that this may have just been an oversight.
