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Ain't Nick

When Cord Jefferson accepted his Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay for last year's "American Fiction," he was speaking about Jake Kasdan's "Red One" without even knowing it. Standing on stage at the Dolby Theater, Oscar in hand, Jefferson said, "I understand that this is a risk-averse industry, I get it. But $200 million movies are also a risk. And it doesn't always work out." Turns out Jefferson was right because "Red One" is a $250 million movie that does not work.

"Red One" is an overstuffed and overlong Christmas action movie that tries to wrap its arms around too many plot points without concerning itself with making any of them appealing. Every year it seems like a movie comes out early in November to try and capture the attention of holiday-craving movie goers, and this year Hollywood is offering "Red One," which will be forgotten before it even has a chance to enter anyone's Yuletide movie rotation.

Dwayne Johnson stars as Callum, who has been Santa's (J.K. Simmons) - or Nick's - bodyguard for a very long time. Callum takes his job very seriously; he inspects any person or item that may go near Nick with a severe intensity. But, like most people who've been in their job for far too long, Callum is thinking about stepping back from his duties. His plan is thwarted when Nick is kidnapped from the North Pole just a few days before Christmas. Callum, along with the help of Zoe (Lucy Liu), tracks down an infamous computer hacker named Jack (Chris Evans) to try and save Christmas.

 

Callum isn't the jolliest fella around, but he understands the importance of Christmas. Jack, on the other hand, not so much. What ensues is a fairly standard mismatched buddy comedy, which could be amusing if Johnson and Evans created any spark in their banter. 

The movie's premise is fairly amusing and has the idea for something fun, but the entire film gets drowned out by the $250 million effects thrown at the screen. There's monsters and creatures, globetrotting and fights. "Red One" is a busy movie that feels obligated to show all the money that's being spent, rather than focusing on anything regarding its story. 

What's most discouraging about the movie is Johnson and Evans' hearts couldn't be farther from the film itself. Like many of the biggest stars, their work has gravitated towards the streaming sphere. "Red One" - which is hitting theaters - plays like a movie built for a streamer (it is an MGM/Amazon production). There's no sense that the actors are particularly passionate about what they are participating in, and "Red One" moves and flows like a movie made to fold laundry to.

But, back to Jefferson. As he continued his Oscar speech he suggested, "Instead of making one $200 million movie, try making 20 $10 million movies. Or 50 $4 million movies." What a world it would be if Hollywood had the spine to heed Jefferson's advice. There would be more movies like "American Fiction," and thankfully fewer movies like "Red One."