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Quips Ahoy

Remember that last "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? Oh you do, eh? Prove it - what was the plot? Yeah, that's what I thought. The wildly lucrative "PotC" franchise spawned three increasingly over-blown, convoluted films, culminating in 2007's "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" - a two-plus hour marathon that barely rescued the series from 2006's equally long "Dead Man's Chest". The films, and their director, Gore Verbinski, got caught up in trilogy fever - plot twists and spectacle took the place of logic and sense - and as a result the series nearly sank under its own weight.

With the goofy fourth installment, "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides", returning star Johnny Depp and newcomer director Rob Marshall ("Chicago") attempt to bring the series back to its roots. Of course in the case of this series, those roots are a Disney amusement park ride. So perhaps more to the point, the filmmakers attempt to strip away the plot machinations of those last films and tell a rousing, straight-forward pirate adventure - in this case, about the search for the Fountain of Youth.

The script, by returning regulars Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio,  is based on a novel by Tim Powers, but really "Pirates 4" owes more to "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" than anything else. It's the quest for eternal life, with our hero racing to the prize before the bad guys - in this case the evil Blackbeard, played gleefully (and in a fit of perfect casting) by Ian McShane. Mr. McShane skillfully manages to be fairly evil even in a bloodless, PG-13 Disney movie.

And of course, at the center of it all is Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow. It's a testament to how well-realized this character is that it could sustain a fourth movie as well as it does. The screenwriters wisely bring back Geoffrey Rush's Barbossa - a fine foil for Jack, and the only real "Arr, Matey" pirate in the bunch - as well as adding a possible love interest in Angelica (Penélope Cruz, holding her own). And of course, virtually every line out of Jack's mouth brings a smirk if not an outright chuckle.

Along the way, there are plenty of sword fights, chase scenes, mermaids, and bumbling British soldiers, who clearly studied at the Keystone Kops school of villainy. It's all such a goof that the finale - which, seriously, is pilfered almost verbatim from "Indy 3" - holds virtually no suspense.

I'd like to think that (much like those responsible for "Ocean's 12") the filmmakers, as they have repeatedly said in interviews, really did altruistically feel that they owed one to audiences after bungling the original "Pirates" trilogy. Really, the film is just another cash cow - and it's still over two hours long.

By stripping away all the distractions and telling a straight story, "Pirates 4" may prove nothing more than the fact that this franchise (sorry) doesn't hold water.