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Mary Poppins she ain't

Maggie Smith, one of the world's great old dames of serious British acting gets a chance here in "Keeping Mum" to play a role not unlike Kathleen Turner's turn as Beverly R. Sutphin in John Waters' "Serial Mom". Her character, Grace Hawkins is cast as a psychopathic killer who, when not killing, is as likely to be baking a cake or casting loving smiles at little children. She is aware of what she is doing but fails to see that there is anything wrong with it. To her, those that misbehave must be punished, not really that bad an idea. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, in real life those things can be frowned upon by society.

The story begins with a young Grace being sentenced to a long prison term for carving up her cheating husband and his mistress. As she is led into her cell she wonders if she might have a spot of tea. Her disconnect from reality is firmly established. Fast forward about 40 years into the future and the audience finds itself in the little town of Little Wallop, as quiet an existence as one could ever wish to experience. In a town of less than 100 folks, the story centers on the very boring vicar, Walter Goodfellow (Rowan Atkinson of Mr. Bean fame), his wife Gloria (Kristin Scott Thomas) and their very sexually active teenaged daughter Holly (Tamson Egerton). The rest of the townspeople are your stereotypical busybodies that consider things like flower committees of national importance. Into to all of this walks Grace, who has recently been released from her home for the criminally insane. Her appearance conjures up Mary Poppins coming to town. No doubt this is intentional.

We in the audience know that chaos of some sort will be breaking out quickly but we are not quite sure what form it will take. For that, director Niall Johnson deserves credit. He also does a nice job of keeping the story alive with a few plot twists that keep us guessing. Where he fails, or perhaps where the writing fails, is the near incessant use of puns throughout the script. They start to fall like gnocchi into your stomach after a while. The other giant negative here is the character Lance (Patrick Swayze). Lance is the local American golf pro whose attention is directed toward Gloria and she wants him too because of the boredom of her marriage. Why he is living amongst these people is a mystery. Thankfully, it is never explained because that would have meant more screen time for him. When these two are on screen together the sexual puns fly like machine gun fire and it's all made far the worse by Swayze's insanely over the top acting job. We can hardly wait for Grace to get him.

Unfortunately, the combo of the puns and Swayze prevent the film from realizing its potential. If you need a restroom break during the film, may I suggest the golf lesson scene. If you stay for it you may need a barf bag. "Keeping Mum" is a fun time despite the puns and Swayze so it's still definitely worth it. Just don't forget to bring that barf bag.