In the case of "Zookeeper", his friend and recent go-to guy Kevin James ("Paul Blart: Mall Cop", "Grown Ups") proves yet again that he isn't up to the task. James plays Griffin Keyes, head honcho at the local zoo, who loves his work, dotes on the animals, and seems generally happy with his lot in life. Unfortunately this was not enough for Stephanie (Leslie Bibb, "Iron Man"), the woman who left him because she wanted a man with more ambition. When Stephanie reenters his life, Griffin decides that he must win her back, but lacks any idea of how to accomplish this. Fortunately, he works at a zoo full of animals that can actually talk - a fact that they have kept hidden from humanity for obvious reasons. Declaring that, "animals are experts at mating", they provide a deluge of advice ranging from, "it drives a woman crazy to see a man with another woman" to "throw poop at her."
The premise itself isn't terrible but the game in this arena has already been hunted to extinction. Sticking to jokes driven purely by the difference between animals and man (bears think that one wins a woman by growling, digging holes in the ground, and waving claws in the air, the frog suggests puffing out the chin, etc...), the screenplay quickly loses all momentum and even Mr. James seems to give up. Ms. Bibb also barely bothers, given little to do other than look pretty and be demanding, both of which she does quite effectively. It never feels terribly clear why Mr. James' character is so obsessed with her, but it seems that the audience is meant to take that as a given.
As to the animals, Mr. Sandler managed to rally an all-star cast to do the voice work, including Nick Nolte, Cher, Sylvester Stallone, Judd Apatow, and Don Rickles, and that's just to name a few. Sadly, the screenplay, put together by an equally long list of writers, has no idea of what to do with all of these characters, so the whole thing comes off as an improv troupe doing a use a funny animal voice routine. Particularly nails-on-the-chalkboard are Mr. Sandler as Donald the Monkey and Maya Rudolph as Mollie the Giraffe. Sandler uses his Sandler being funny voice (you know the voice), grating at the best of times, and Rudolph half sings, half screams her lines. It's difficult to tell what she was going for, but it's a bit comforting to realize that she probably didn't know either.
Surprisingly, its Joe Rogan of all people who provides the only consistent laughs. Returning from his reality TV exile since the cancellation of the underrated series "NewsRadio" he makes a strong case for himself as the self-involved, self-congratulatory, half-a-grease-ball currently dating Stephanie. He's a reminder that this mess might have worked if everyone else involved brought the same commitment to the comedy. Rosario Dawson ("Clerks 2") also shows up and, as always, is luminescent in her unfortunately limited role as the other potential romantic interest.
In spite of a few funny bits, some impressive effects work, and an all-star cast, "Zookeeper" just never manages to hold any interest, provides too few laughs, and succeeds only in being too long. Children will probably find it funny, but they aren't exactly the toughest audience out there. From the rest of us, a quick note to Kevin James: If you aren't going to bother to go through the effort, please stop wasting our time.
| Movie title | Zookeeper |
|---|---|
| Release year | 2011 |
| MPAA Rating | PG |
| Our rating | |
| Summary | Lock it up and throw away the key. |
