You Don't Mess with the Zohan Review
By Karen Dahlstrom
Shag and a Haircut, Two Bits
There was a time when every Adam Sandler role was characterized by little more than a funny voice and some serious developmental issues. Then came the "important" projects — "
Punch Drunk Love", "Spanglish", "
Reign Over Me" — where he simply dropped the funny voice. In "You Don't Mess with the Zohan", Sandler returns to the funny voice and adds hair and wardrobe to match.
Zohan Dvir (Sandler) is a Mossad soldier and a hero to the Israeli people. As their top counter-terrorism agent, he can dispatch and entire terrorist stronghold single-handedly. But "The Zohan" has grown war-weary. He clings to a secret dream — to be a hairdresser. While James Bond kicked back after a mission with a blonde and a martini, "The Zohan" cuddles up with a Paul Mitchell hairstyling book from 1987 and a bowl of hummus.
When Zohan is called in to capture his arch-nemesis, The Phantom (John Turturro), he fakes his own death and escapes to New York. With a new name ("Scrappy Coco"), a new 'do and some (very) shiny new threads, Zohan sets out to realize his dream. Rejected by Paul Mitchell, he is taken in by a bike messenger named Michael (Nick Swardson) and his mother, Gail (a robust and lusty Lainie Kazan). Scrappy thanks Gail the Israeli way — with a shag. And we're not talking haircut.
In a mixed Jewish/Arab neighborhood, Zohan finds work sweeping up at a modest salon run by a beautiful Palestinian woman named Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). Dalia eventually lets "Scrappy" take over some of her elderly clientele. Armed with his Paul Mitchell classics, he perfects the Scrappy special: a spunky new 'do and a bang in the storeroom. Not surprisingly, Scrappy becomes the hit of the neighborhood's menopause and mah-jongg set.
Zohan's happiness is jeopardized when he is recognized by a Palestinian cab driver named Salim (Rob Schneider). Still smarting from when Zohan stole his favorite goat years ago, Salim vows revenge. Soon, the relative peace of the neighborhood is threatened. While Salim alerts The Phantom that his nemesis is alive and well in America, an evil development company tries to drive out both Arab and Jew alike in order to put up a luxury mall.
Like Zohan, the film suffers a bit of an identity crisis. Co-written by Sandler, Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) and "Knocked Up" director Judd Apatow, "Zohan" seesaws between Sandler's brand of frat boy silliness and Apatow's edgier, crude-but-with-a-message humor. Under the direction of Dennis Dugan ("Happy Gilmore") the two sensibilities never seem to coalesce. While some scenes are purely lowest-common denominator comedy, others half-heartedly attempt to convey a "can't we just all get along" moral.
At least the Apatow influence has done both Sandler and his frequent guest-star, Rob Schneider, some good. Instead of merely playing the goofy moron, the character of Zohan requires Sandler to go a little deeper than just a one-note sketch character. And Schneider finally has more to do in an Adam Sandler movie than just deliver a silly catch phrase. Salim may be a crass stereotype, but he's also a hard-working immigrant with three jobs and a burning desire for a piece of the American Dream.
Though well-intentioned, "Zohan" never seems to rise above its outlandishly infantile moments. And at nearly two hours, it could use a trim. Some sequences seem to drag endlessly and one-note gags are repeated ad nauseam, as if beating the audience over the head with a joke will make it funny. Added to the mix is a collection of the most random and inconsequential cameos ever assembled: Kevin Nealon, John MacEnroe, Kevin James, Mariah Carey, Dave Matthews (playing a redneck posing as a terrorist), Michael Buffer, Chris Rock, George Takei, Bruce Villanch and Charlotte "Mrs. Garrett" Rae (as one of Zohan's satisfied clients). Dick joke afficionados will be sure to appreciate "Zohan", but for the rest of us, "Mess" sums it up pretty well.
