Big Picture Big Sound

"Hex" and the pity

On paper, Jonah Hex would appear to have the makings of a great screen antihero. A scarred, post-Civil War bounty hunter, with a sense of honor but no mercy, bent on revenge for the murder of his family. The character has appeared on the pages of DC Comics - in various forms and time periods - since the early 70s and, though only achieving a moderate level of popularity, has now been adapted into a feature length movie. "Jonah Hex", the film, attempts to shoehorn the character into a superhero "origin story" with vague hints of the supernatural. The result is an ill-defined mess of a film that, even at a lean 80 minutes (including repeated flashbacks), outstays its welcome. The idea of "Jonah Hex" is a good one; on paper it makes sense. And on paper it should've stayed.

An opening sequence wastes no time setting up the back-story (which only bears passing resemblance to that of the comics): Jonah is captured by the evil Confederate colonel, Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich, being John Malkovich). Labeled a traitor, Jonah is forced to watch his wife and daughter killed as payback for his crimes. He's then left alive (duh), but with his right cheek scarred by a branding iron bearing Turnbull's initials. Hex is cured by a group of Native Americans and snatched from Death's doorstep. The idea is that Hex was so far gone that he's somehow straddling the world of the living and the dead. This gives him certain abilities.

In the comic, the character didn't possess powers, per se. In the film, he's able to dodge bullets (sometimes), heal, and speak to the dead (like that guy from ABC's short-lived "Pushing Daises"). He also has a knack for leaving every place he visits a smoldering wreck. And he's doggedly pursued by crows, which, I imagine, gets messy.

When Hex hears that Turnbull has died in a fire, his vengeance goes unsated, and he is left to wander the Earth taking out his aggression as a bounty hunter. Jonah's only friend is a hooker played by Megan Fox in a size zero corset. Their scenes drag the film to a halt, but they are mercifully few.

The writers - who go by the names Neveldine & Taylor (they wrote the "Crank" series) - have the gumption to make the film a terrorism allegory. Turnbull - known by the Mexicans as "terroristo", in case you weren't paying close enough attention - plants suicide bombers aboard a train in order to get parts for his secret weapon. The weapon in question is basically a giant cannon that can (very slowly) lay waste to anything in its path. Turnbull plans to bring America to its knees for ... well, I'm not entirely sure. But it's not important.

It all amounts to not much of a movie - as is evidenced by the scant running time. The film is directed by Jimmy Hayward, whose previous "Horton Hears a Who!" credit makes him a curious choice for "Hex". As the lead, Josh Brolin plays the whole thing with a permanent scowl (not his fault - the make-up leaves him no choice). Of course, it's hard to hold a scowl when you've got Will Arnett as a Union soldier saying, "Yes, President Grant". Particularly when Ulysses S is played by Aiden Quinn in a small beard.

As a Western, "Hex" is more "Wild Wild West" than "Unforgiven", which is odd since the character (and Mr. Brolin's performance) clearly owes a lot to the Clint Eastwood oeuvre. This is the type of Western in which historical accuracy gives way to horse-mounted Gatling guns and (sigh) giant robot spiders. But "Jonah Hex" is not a Western, it's a comic book movie. It might have been more interesting to explore a zombified antihero in an accurate western setting. It could have been an epic adventure yarn in which the character seeks redemption and finally learns to turn the other cheek. Oh, sorry.