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"Hop" Lays an Egg

"Hop" is another in a string of beautifully modeled animated features that signals the end of days when such features cost so much to produce as to guarantee its studio's investment in magical writing and perfect execution. Yes, it would have been crazy to hope from "Hop" haute cuisine, ala "Toy Story," or "Up", or even meat and potatoes like "Shrek". But, targeted to youngsters, could we expect a thermos of soup and a juice box?

2009's "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel" provides the basic recipe. Start with some adorably cute anthropomophs. Add capable funny men, like Dave (Jason Lee) and the ineffectual villain, Ian (David Cross). Mix in some song and dance. Simmer with friendships or sibling rivalries. Bring to a boil with some G-rated romance for the woodland critters, like Alvin (voiced by Justin Long) and Brittany (voiced by Christina Applegate). Serve with an ample side of "eat them, they're good for you" morals.

By comparison, "Hop" is a bag of stale Bugles. James Marsden, who plays unemployed 20-something Fred O'Hare, is stiff and unnatural. The pacing is slow and the music choices uninspired. Friendships, sibling rivalries, love interests are established but never exploited. The moral is untenable.

E.B. (voiced by Russell Brand) is a rabbit that lives on Easter Island. He loves to play the drums and his chickadee friend Phil (Hank Azaria), loves to dance along. E.B.'s father (Hugh Laurie) runs a magnificent candy works under the island. When E.B.'s father is ready to hand over the job of Easter Bunny to E.B., E.B. runs away to Hollywood. His father sends the Pink Barrettes, three adorable girl bunny commandos, to bring E.B. back to Easter Island. With E.B. out of the way, Carlos (also voiced by Azaria), a Mexican chick who has served for years as the foreman of the Easter Bunny's candy factory, sees his opportunity to take over Easter.

In Hollywood, E.B. meets Fred. Crazy antics and laughs are meant to ensue. E.B., of course, is the catalyst, as in one scenario where he ruins Fred's chances at a job interview for a company that makes video games. But Fred, who is crazy about Easter, is won over when E.B. claims to be the Easter Bunny. In order to save Easter, E.B. plays drums to get Phil dancing. But there's no sign that Phil is in on the fix or is motivated by their friendship. The pink barrettes bring Fred to Easter Island - then they disappear. None of the cute bunnies end up with E.B., let alone Fred.

While E.B's dad is the obvious head honcho at the candy factory, the labor force is all chicks. There are some bunnies roaming the halls, but it's not clear what they do. Maybe they are a parasite class, spending all day grazing the green grass on the surface? Or maybe they are front office? Regardless, there is a definite class structure, and the moral appears to be "know your station": E.B. has to be the Easter Bunny; Carlos has to be a candy maker or, rebelling against nature, a monster. Fred can wait for the perfect job; it will find him. This is no "Rudolph," with Hermey (voiced by Paul Soles), the elf who would be Dentist.

I should mention that my peers seemed ready to tear this movie a new rabbit hole before seeing it. I saw "Hop" at a screening where I estimate 4:1 kids to adults, with most kids in the 3-6 age range. I watched as the families exited and did not see one child laughing and talking about the film. So, regarding the smell, I'm not the one throwing rotten eggs.